Where Have You Been?

Today, I learned something. I know it's crazy huh?! Stubborn headed me actually had an epiphany! But what I learned today wasn't taught to me through reading God's word, or from my pastor, not even from Bro. Timmy my Sunday school teacher, although it could have very easily been. I am proud to say that around 11:10, God spoke to me personally...and I heard every word he had to say.

Since the moment I woke up, it was obvious today was my day to claim the title of 'Miss Moody Pants'. My attitude has been sour, and I guess I've wore that face that says 'don't mess with me.' It's all caused by the little things, but if I had to be honest..the culprit is my tendency to be a big negative Nancy about pretty much everything. I'm a bit of a worrier...ya know...just a smidge? Anyway, I have a very close friend who lives far away, a friend who I never stop worrying about! Well, this friend of mine will text me every morning to tell me 'Good morning, I hope you have a good day' or something along those lines. This morning, the text never came. It's amazing to see how something so simple can ruin your whole day, and boy this did it in for me. First I was upset..'maybe they slept in.' A few hours went by..'I wonder if something's wrong.' A few more hours later..'Don't they know that I'd worry?' These are the same jumbled thoughts I've had floating in my hollow head today..and by 'hollow' I mean empty of every other thought, including God.

I had some things to turn in to Mr. Palmer, so I left lunch early...a full 30 minutes early. I finally got to a place where I was walking all alone, and I decided to pray, and I mean really pray, none of this half hearted 'Lord, help me..okay thanks bye' stuff that I'm so used to. See, I haven't been talking to God like I should, believe it or not but I've went days without praying to him, feeling too full of sin to pray. Hey, I try but I never said I'm the Christian I should be. So I kept my eyes straight ahead and under my breath had a surprising, and enlightening conversation with the man upstairs, and it went a little like this:

Me: Lord, I'm sorry something this little is upsetting me, I know I shouldn't let it bring me down. But, they know I care, so why would they let me worry like this? I would never do this to them, so I don't understand why they won't even send a short update so I know they're okay. How are they going this long without talking to me?

God:...Well, how did you go this long without talking to me?

It might not have been a voice in my head, it was just the sense that God was answering my question with a question. Yes, reverse psychology is a splendid thing...and it spoke to me plain as day, although it didn't leave me with a very happy feeling in the least.

I thought of God being in my shoes, rejected, hurt, worried, and waiting patiently. It doesn't seem right for the love of my life, to wait on me...of all people! Here the needy person that I am complaining to God about being taken for granted, when he's the one being taken for granted. I don't understand how I could have been so blind. A God so perfect, so righteous, waiting for me to show him how much I love him...I can't keep someone that amazing waiting around for me, and I can't lead God on any longer. He was waiting for just the smallest update on my life. He only wanted to know if I was okay, while I've been miles, away spiritually speaking. It's important to talk to your first love. I've learned this the hard way. We each resent being ignored, so why keep God waiting??

I know this may sound simple, but it was powerful to me. I'm just a 'Baby Christian' really, and I've realized the past few months, I'm definitely teething. So far, God has thrown a few hard things for me to chew on...but it's only going to make me stronger.

God bless! (: